


Another Side of Problems

by FreeArchive



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Rewrite, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Parental Reconnection, s03e09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeArchive/pseuds/FreeArchive
Summary: Casey. Her best friend, her everything, her… girlfriend.Izzie had trouble saying that.Girlfriend.Izzie knows she's being unfair, knows she's falling hard for her, but she just can't. The risk is too high. She's trying.But all it takes is one mistake and then everything comes crumbling down.{Cazzie}{Casey x Izzie}
Relationships: Casey Gardner/Izzie
Comments: 16
Kudos: 260





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 👀👀 Another person with a Cazzie fic, it's me. What is this? Izzie being sad. I promise it might be happier later~
> 
> I just thought the internalised homophobia plotline could have been a little more flesh out so... here you go! 💜

Being near Casey… was magical. 

There was something about her that Izzie couldn't resist. Something deep and beautiful that she wanted to be near forever and just drink it in. Maybe it was her smile. She had such a beautiful smile. Izzie thought she was falling in love with her. Casey. Her best friend, her everything, her… girlfriend. 

Izzie had trouble saying that. 

Girlfriend. 

She and Casey hadn't labelled anything yet but she knew sooner or later it would come. And she'd have to acknowledge what she was. It was unfair to Casey, she knew that. Casey had given up so much for her yet Izzie couldn't go public with their relationship. 

There was too much at risk, at stake. She'd be judged by everyone again. The stakes were too high. Not just for her but for others too. 

Izzie was dragged from her thoughts when Casey nuzzled her neck playfully. 

They were getting ready for the party. Casey was quicker than Izzie which meant Casey took it as her job to mess with her. A gentle kiss was pressed just below her ear, breath tickling her ear. 

"Hey, cut it out," Izzie chuckled, applying her makeup. "I need to concentrate." 

"Oh, what?" Casey said innocently, hooking an arm over her shoulder. Fingertips ran along her skin, eyes met hers in the mirror and Izzie blushed. "Am I too distracting?" 

Yes. Very distracting. And confusing. And something to be afraid of. She couldn't control her feelings for Casey and she didn't want to. Casey was the best thing that ever happened to her. Yet… 

Izzie leaned her head back and gave her a quick kiss. "Stop it. Just five minutes. Five minutes, all I need." 

Casey arched an eyebrow before stealing one last kiss. "I'm timing." And then she slid back across the room, leaving Izzie's back very cold. 

She amused herself, turning over her phone or checking herself out. 

Izzie sighed quietly to herself. She needed to figure this out. Why was she so scared? She could do this forever, playfully teasing and exchanging affection, in the confinement of the room. But the thought of going outside in front of everyone, made her shiver. 

Izzie applied the last bit and admired her handiwork. Always a pleasure. 

"You ready?" Izzie said, standing up. 

Casey leaned back on the bed, running her tongue slowly over her bottom lip. "I was born ready." 

Izzie sauntered over, leaned down and kissed her. It was too tempting not to do so. Casey hummed contently beneath her but as Izzie was reminded, the party had already started. They needed to go have fun before the big day tomorrow. 

"Let's go." 

The corridors were quiet, as expected, but Izzie subtly removed her hand from Casey's. Just in case. She internally cursed herself but there was nothing she could do. 

"Hey, Casey!" Sharice, one of Casey's old friends, shouted as they exited the room together. "Party's just starting." She paused then added 'Hey, Izzie," as an afterthought. 

Casey looked down at her and shrugged. "After you." 

Izzie smiled, trying to rid her thoughts. "Mmhmm." 

Music hummed from the walls as they entered the room. The lights were moving and as were the people. The party was already hopping. She knew this was going to be fun. 

"Come on!" Sharice said as she tugged them onto the dance floor. "Show us some moves, girl! I know you have them!" 

Around them, the room was alive. Teenagers from all over the country were here for regionals. Young, energetic, fit, bundled into a small space was just a recipe for chemistry. With music thudding in her ears, Izzie felt a smile rise to her lips. 

Casey started to dance a bit in front of her, that stupid grin that she loved so much on her face. Izzie smiled back and started to dance. 

She swung her hips in time to music. Side to side. Other people she knew joined them. Around, circling back and forth. 

"Yeah!" Voices were lost in the noise. Izzie started to get lost too. 

She was near Casey, in the dark pack of moving bodies. Everyone was so close but all Izzie knew was her.

Casey. 

Magical was how she described it? There weren't words to describe the emotion that overcame her. It was powerful. A force that drove her towards her. 

Was Izzie falling in love? 

In love with Casey. They circled each other hypnotically, swaying, moving to the beat. It was like they were the only two people in the world. 

There was no one else around them. Or that was what it felt like. 

Her eyes were dark as she moved in. Her body brushing off hers. Yet Casey didn't touch her yet. Izzie's heart quickened. A magnetic force of pure longing drove her closer. Hardly any space between them. Her eyes fluttered closed, lost in the sensation of  _ her. _ But she didn't touch. Only the gentle lean, subtle tilt of the head, parting of lips just to drive her crazy…

Izzie jerked back, eyes shot open.  _ Too far. _

"What?" Casey said. Her eyes widened and Izzie hated how much it broke her heart. 

She  _ wanted _ to be able to be with her in public, to kiss and hold hands, to dance and lose herself in the sensation of her body close to hers. But something was holding her back. Tight, closing around her chest until she couldn't breathe. 

_ Fear _ . 

"I need water." 

Izzie turned on her heel and walked away. She was trembling. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking. A part of her wanted Casey to follow her, to demand an answer for pulling away, but the rest of her was glad she didn't. Heart thrumming in her throat, she needed to take a step away. Because with Casey, she just couldn't resist. When she'd been with Evan, Izzie spent nights hearttorn, staring at her ceiling. 

_ Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.  _ A mantra. Used to calm herself down from all extremes. Anything she used frequently when her mother got into one of her mood. Izzie had to hold it together for her siblings. 

She wondered how they were doing now. Her grandma would look out for them. But worry still crept in. She'd left them alone. 

Izzie went to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. The lights were dim, enough to see her flushed face staring back in the mirror. What did Casey see in her? Why was she willing to risk everything for her? She'd broken up with Evan for Izzie. Yet Izzie still stared at something she didn't quite understand. 

"I'm sorry," she breathed, pushing her hair back. "I'm so sorry, Casey…" 

She didn't deserve to be with such a mess of a human being. Casey deserved better. Even jealous, Izzie knew Evan was easier. He had his own things going on but at least he'd been able to be with her. Her chest tightened. 

She couldn't stay in here forever. 

Izzie turned the tap on and splashed cold water onto her face. She needed to keep her cool. Just relax and let everything go. Everything was okay. Okay. Okay.  _ Okay _ . 

She stepped out of the bathroom right into the path of Sarah, a girl she knew from an opposing team. 

"Oh, Izzie! I didn't know you were here!" Sarah beamed and pulled her into a hug. "Hey!" 

"Oh, um, hi!" Izzie returned the hug. 

"I'm having so much fun!" Sarah grinned and grabbed her hand. "Come on! You  _ have  _ to come dance with us! Have you see Jesse? Oh, they'll be so excited-" 

Before Izzie could even protest, say that she wasn't in the mood anymore, Sarah had dragged her down the corridor and  _ back  _ into the room assigned as the dancefloor. If anything, it was even more lively than it had been. Sarah quickly got lost in the crowd of moving bodies but Izzie didn't follow. Instead, she hung back to the edge of the room and watched. 

Almost immediately, her eyes picked out Casey. Tucked In the middle of everyone but she drew attention from a mile away. Her Newton. 

Maybe she should have gone back to her. They could have fun without touching. But nerves grabbed her wrists and held her hostage. And Izzie stayed by the wall. She wondered if Casey noticed her too. If she did, she didn't make it obvious. 

"Sup," a voice said. 

Izzie turned to see a tall boy standing next to her. He was cute with soft short hair and a smile. She smiled back. 

"Hey." 

He started conversation. Izzie talked back. 

And the next thing she was wrapped up in his arms, kissing him. 

_ She'd  _ made the first move. They'd been talking but she leaned and went for him. And he followed. Guilt came in waves as they kissed because her mind was only on one person. And if wasn't who she was kissing. 

Izzie pulled away and smiled awkwardly, hands coming up to push his chest. Gently but enough to put some clear distance between them. "Sorry, I have to go…" 

She trailed off when she looked back into the crowd. Casey was gone. 

"Oh, okay. It's cool. Um…" 

She barely heard him as she stepped away. The music hopped in her ears but it wasn't that.  _ Where is she? Where did she go?  _ She didn't see Sharice either, meaning they'd probably left together. Okay, not so bad. 

_ Did she see me kiss him?  _ The guilt was worse now. One  _ stupid  _ mistake was all it took. Izzie had spent her whole life trying to be perfect, to make sure that no one else saw through the cracks of her fractured world. And she'd broken. 

Izzie did a quick scan of the party and they weren't anywhere to be seen. They had to have left. Early. Did she hurt her? Izzie swallowed nervously. 

_ Shit.  _

The rest of the hotel was quiet once outside and she started to head towards Casey's room. She didn't know where else she could be. She passed a few people she knew and said hurried hellos before moving on. She needed to find her. 

"Sharice!" 

Izzie spotted her down the corridor and ran over. She had to know where Casey was. "Hey, have you seen-?" 

"She doesn't want to talk to you," Sharice said coldly, folding her arms. 

"... what?" 

Sharice nodded. "Yep. Now turn around and go back the way you came." 

Izzie opened her mouth to argue but then closed it. Cssey had a right to be upset. Izzie knew she would be too if their positions were reversed. So who was she to impose on what she wanted? Her heart sank but Izzie nodded. 

"I… just… make sure she's okay." 

Sharice's gaze was cold angry but it softened just slightly. "I will." 

At least Casey was in good hands. Sharice was a good friend who Izzie trusted. 

Izzie turned around and started walking back to her room. She'd ficked up. Big time. And maybe she'd ruined everything between them. Casey gave up so much for her and Izzie threw it away. 

"I'm sorry…" she murmured, though she knew no one heard, "I'm really sorry…" 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a little while but hello again~ Just a bit of... filler so we see interactions 💜 please enjoy!

Casey trudged through the door, glad to finally be back in the comfort of her own home. She'd quickly grown tired of the hotel's corridors, especially when she saw one familiar face everywhere. She was everywhere Casey went. 

Izzie tried talking to her but everytime, Casey walked away. She was tired. She didn't want to do this. The dancing around each other, she just didn't understand. 

She knew eventually she'd have to do something but for now… she ignored her. 

"Ah, home sweet home!" Elsa beamed, dropping her bags by the stairs. 

Casey caught a glimpse of Sam sitting in the kitchen. He didn't come greet them yet, focused hard on something in front of him. She knew she should go see how his weekend went but really all she wanted was to be alone. The ride back on the bus and then with her parents had been _torturous._ She was tired. 

"Casey-" 

"Going upstairs," she said before anyone could stop her. And then ran up the stairs. 

To her relief, no one followed her. She was sure they were busy talking to Sam. It had been his first time staying at home for the whole weekend without anyone else. And it had gone swimmingly. Lots to fuss over, you know? 

Besides, she didn't want to talk to them. 

But she did need to talk to someone. Casey talked about her problems to help solve them. What was she going to do noe? Before, she'd have turned to Izzie. That wasn't an option. After her, Evan. He'd been her boyfriend but also her closest friend after Izzie. Again, not an option. 

She already knew what Sharice was thinking about Izzie. Who could she talk to? The track team? She couldn't expose Izzie like that. But… 

Casey suppressed a groan. _No_. There had to be someone else. 

But there wasn't. 

She glanced at the clock, watching the second hand shift in continuous motion. Too fast. It was getting late already. She sighed. Another five minutes wallowing in self pity and then she'd go downstairs and talk to Elsa. 

Oof. She couldn't believe she was considering it. What had love done to her? 

Casey lay and stared at the ceiling. She did _not_ want to do this. But left with no other choice. 

Five minutes turned into ten but on the eleventh, she forced herself to rise. Tired body and tired mind trudged down the stairs as one. The lights were dim but of course, she was still up. 

"Hey, Elsa?" 

Elsa was alone in the kitchen, already fussing over something that Sam had left on the table. Or things. Specifically a bunch of different sketches of dying baby penguins. Lovely. 

"Oh, Casey, honey," Elsa said as she put them back down. "I don't know where I put your track shoes yet, I know you'll want them but they're just somewhere! What do-" 

"No, no, I wasn't asking…" Casey trailed off. 

Elsa zeroed in on her, protective-mom mode activated. "Are you okay? Do you need to talk?" Already on board. 

Casey took a deep breath. She was going to do this. 

"Yes. I actually do." 

Elsa's eyes lit up and maybe Casey couldn't blame her. This was the first time she'd ever come to her _looking_ to talk. It was a huge step. 

"Oh, of course. Anything. Here-" 

"Don't make a big deal about this," she warned. 

"I wasn't!" 

She was. As she always did. But Casey wasn't in the mood to give her shit over it. She'd come to talk because she really needed advice. From someone who wasn't super biased. 

Then again, Casey squinted at her. Elsa really liked Izzie. They'd bonded when she hadn't been there. Weirdly. Izzie never told her what had happened—only that she'd helped her with her drive. There was more to the story though. Something else they'd talked about. Casey didn't know. 

"What do you want to talk about?" 

"... Izzie." 

"Oh. Trouble in paradise?" 

"More than trouble," Casey grumbled. She plopped down into one of the kitchen chairs and groaned. "I don't know. There's just so much going on." 

Elsa nodded. "Just lay it on me. Come on. I can take it." 

Casey inhaled. This was going to be tough. 

"Right so… you know, I broke up with Evan. That was because I kinda…" she gestured wildly, "- _like_ Izzie. Like I have feelings for her. And she returns them." 

Elsa nodded. "I know. She's such a sweet girl." 

"Wait, what does that mean?" 

Elsa shrugged, trying to act casual but it seemed she couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face. "I knew Izzie liked you before she told you. It was a little obvious. Izzie can't hide her expression very well." 

Casey stared at her. 

"You _knew_? And you didn't tell me?" 

Casey had spent so long in turmoil between whether the mixed signals she'd been getting from Izzie were real or weren't. They'd swayed from maybe more to friends to best friends and all the way back again. If Elsa had known-! 

"Hey! In my defense, would you have listened to me?" 

Admittedly, no. She would not have. 

Casey sat back and groaned. "Was it really that obvious?" 

Elsa chuckled. "Maybe not to you. But I happen to be an _expert_ in love." 

"I _really_ doubt that." 

"Hmph. But really, whenever Izzie came over, remember at your birthday-" Casey did remember that, she'd been there, "-I had a feeling. She would look at you when you weren't looking, blush so easily, say some things." Elsa waved her hand. "Just small signs. And I _did_ walk in on you two about to kiss in your room so-" 

"We were not! Izzie was… comforting me!" 

"Uh huh. Right. Comforting." 

Casey continued to argue that nothing had been happening that night. Which was only kinda true, she guessed. They hadn't gotten that far. If Elsa hadn't interrupted them, what might have happened? 

Casey still remembered the lingering feeling of Izzie's breath against her mouth. The dark look in her eyes. The gentle way she tilted towards her. It had been their first intimate moment together. Which Casey promptly ruined by making out with Evan. 

She didn't like that part of the memory. 

Elsa held up her hands in surrender. "Okay! You win! Nothing was happening on your bed! Which now that we're talking about that, you still have an open door rule. _Even_ with Izzie." 

" _Mom_ ," Casey groaned. "Don't do this to me." 

Elsa went quiet. And blinked. 

"What?" 

Casey frowned but then realised that she'd called Elsa _mom_ to her face. When was the last time she'd done that? She didn't quite remember. She'd made a point of using her first name but now, it slipped out so easily. 

"Oh. Um… anyway…" Casey rubbed the back of her neck. "What I really needed to talk about was well… Izzie is scared to be together. She kissed a guy." 

Elsa recovered from her shock, voice rising in a squeak. "Casey… Izzie might have a hard time being… gay. I know a woman, lovely, but went through a hard time when she was younger. Got a bit messed up and then people said things and made up rumours-" 

"I know about homophobia, Elsa." 

Elsa nodded. "Exactly. This could be a coping mechanism. So you have to talk to her. Communication is important." 

Casey didn't know if she wanted to talk. Sharice had mentioned that Izzie came after her but she'd turned her away. And Casey had been glad. She didn't know what she'd say or do. 

"Do you like her, Casey?" Elsa asked softly, as if sensing her internal conflict. 

_Yes._

Without hesitation now. Casey nodded. 

"Do you want to be with her?" 

Another nod. 

"Then you need to talk to her," Elsa said. "Communication is a huge part of relationships. If you can't talk about what you're feeling then…" she shrugged, almost sadly. "-it will just fall apart." 

Like hers. Now she was talking from experience, even if she wasn't gay. Casey hadn't thought about it like that, that she might actually have good advice for her. She'd come down intending to rant about her feelings but ended up determined. Because she did like Izzie. And she did want to be with her. 

Casey nodded. "I… thank you." 

No hostility. Just a simple thank you for helping. 

Elsa smiled. "No problem, dear. You can always talk to me about things." 

Casey knew she always said it but for the first time, she thought maybe it was true. She'd never talked like this with her. After everything that had happened in their family, Elsa was making a huge effort to change. Casey hadn't cared. But now… she saw that Elsa was really trying. And she just wanted to help her. 

Didn't let her completely off the hook. 

But still. The effort was appreciated. 

Casey went back up to her room and once again flopped down on her bed. This time she stared at the ceiling in wonder. Communication. Right. That was her first step. From there, she hoped she and Izzie would be able to figure things out. 

Casey rolled over and grabbed her phone. 

There was a message from Sharice, just hoping she got home safely and to text her later. She would. But Casey was looking for someone else. 

Casey pressed into their chat and hovered. What to say? They hadn't spoken since. But Casey was determined. She would do this. 

**Casey:** hey 

**Casey:** can we talk? 

A few seconds later, there were three dots as Izzie started typing.

* * *

Izzie got home and sighed. 

She was lucky the kids were at her grandmother's house until tomorrow because she was exhausted. She didn't think she'd be able to do anything else that night. Taking care of several young children might possibly kill her. 

Guilt tugged at her as she trudged in the door. Her grandmother had been taking care of them all weekend. When she shouldn't have to. They had a mother who should be taking care of all her kids. 

Not a sixteen year old and retired old lady. 

She knew Gram wouldn't be bothered keeping them, she loved her siblings as much as Izzie did. But Izzie hated that she had to do it at all. 

The house was quiet when she walked in. Her mom either wasn't home or was sleeping off something in her room. Izzie hoped that it was the latter. Deep down she knew her mom probably took advantage of having a free house and left. No responsibilities, nothing keeping her reigned in. That would be nice. 

The kitchen was dirty. Unwashed dishes and empty pizza boxes were scattered across the counters, too many for just one person. Izzie's heart sank. In the absence of her children, her mom decided to bring her 'friends' over to their house. Friends that Izzie knew were awful people. 

At least her mom respected her enough to not have them over when she or her siblings were there. They used to come around more often but something not great happened and Izzie flipped her shit. 

She'd never yelled in front of her brothers and sisters like that. She'd hated it. She wasn't supposed to be like that. But enough was enough. She couldn't have those people bringing drink and smoke and whatever else they dealt to her house anymore. It hadn't ended well. 

But the end result was her mom kept them away. 

Which Izzie considered a win. 

She trudged up the stairs to her shared room, the first time in ages that she had it to herself. Usually at least one of her brothers was in here, playing away on the tablet, or the baby was sleeping in her cot. But now it was… silent. 

Izzie lay down on her bed and sighed. The quiet let her thoughts creep in. She didn't try to stop them this time. 

The weekend had been a mess. 

"I just…" she said aloud. "...stupid…" 

Casey hadn't looked at her for the rest of the weekend. Izzie had tried and tried again to talk to her, in hope that maybe she could fix her mistake. Anything to save her. But Casey gave her nothing. Izzie couldn't blame her. 

She'd fucked up. 

Izzie rolled over and cuddled her pillow. The house was cold. No one was here and she wasn't going to waste heating on just herself. 

She stared at the wall, wishing she could have gone back in time and changed everything. Maybe she could have danced with Casey at the party. Maybe she could have kissed her. Izzie had wanted to. But that deep fear drove her away and she'd run. 

A mistake. 

Nothing was worth losing Casey over. She should have known better. But she just… lost her head completely. 

A message dinged in on her phone. Izzie almost ignored it. 

But she rolled over and picked it up, wondering if it was Gram. It wasn't. Her eyes widened. 

_Casey_. 

Izzie immediately clicked into the notification. 

**Casey 💕:** hey 

**Casey 💕:** can we talk? 

Pure. Simple. The first contact they'd had since that night. 

Izzie's heart started to quicken and she immediately typed back. 

**Izzie:** In person? 

**Casey 💕:** yeah. i can drive over and pick u up? 

**Izzie:** Okay. 

**Casey 💕:** be there in a few minutes 

Izzie stared at the phone. How to end it? She wanted to text back how she was so sorry for everything that happened but she doubted Casey would have appreciated it. That would have to wait until she saw her. 

Izzie turned off her phone and sighed. Right. Now, they had to talk. She had one chance to make this right, to explain herself. She was not going to screw it up. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to any readers celebrating~

"Hey, Elsa, I'm taking the car!" Casey announced as she ran down the stairs. Doug was upstairs and so was Sam, meaning that she had free rein for herself. Good. 

Elsa looked up in alarm. "What? Why?" 

Casey grabbed the keys and gave her a look. Elsa's eyes widened. Casey was glad, she didn't feel like explaining it. But Elsa understood what was happening—she, after all, had encouraged it. 

"... just this once. And stay safe!" 

It was times like these that Casey realised she really appreciated her mom. Other parents wouldn't have cared enough to try stop her. Others would have refused to let her go point blank—saying it was too late. 

But Elsa understood that this was important to her. 

"Be back before two." 

Casey nodded as she grabbed her coat. "Thanks!" 

Maybe Elsa wasn't terrible after all. Casey would never admit that to anyone, of course. But she thought about it. 

Casey got into the car and turned on the engine. She knew Izzie was at home. 

Casey drove along the quiet roads. Hardly anyone was out at this time. Not surprising seeing as it was coming close to half twelve at night. She half wished for traffic, just so the journey would take twice as long. She didn't know how she was going to do this. 

Izzie didn't live too far away but enough to warrant a car drive. Casey herself had never actually been inside her house—Izzie hadn't let her. 

Izzie's family life was rough. As much as Elsa irritated her, it was nothing compared to that of Izzie's family. Her mom was useless, always going out and getting too high or too drunk. She neglected her kids from the moment they were born. 

Izzie had to step up and become a sixteen year mom taking care of four kids. 

Casey had tried to help, support her, but Izzie refused. She respected that. Casey suspected it was out of fear that Casey would leave her once she realised how messy she was behind her shields. She didn't want her in that part of her life. 

But Casey had wanted to be in all parts of her life. 

"It's complicated, Case," Izzie had murmured one day as they lay on her bed together. 

It was the early days after the kiss, when they were still figuring out what they were. Not dating exactly yet—or ever, Casey thought bitterly—but together. They couldn't stay away from each other. 

"I know. I just… I'm here for you." 

"Mmhmm." Izzie nuzzled her neck affectionately, warm breath sending a shiver down her spine. 

"Anything you need," Casey promised, entwining their fingers. "But if you really want me to stay away, I will." 

She respected her boundaries. 

There were parts of Izzie that Izzie refused to show the world. Out of fear, perhaps. Or shame. 

She liked to give off the illusion that she was in control, that nothing was wrong. Besides Casey, there was only one person who knew of what happened at home. Nate. 

Which annoyed Casey endlessly that this douche knew something that if he wanted to, could hurt Izzie. How he'd do it, Casey didn't know. She was just glad he'd kept it to himself instead of breaking out in anger. If he dared hurt her… 

Casey turned into the road and slowed her car down to a crawl. She knew she had to this but part of her didn't want to. _Why am I the one who has to reach out? I did nothing wrong_. It was bitter and anger, replaying the image of Izzie kissing that boy over and over again. 

A shadow flickered in the window and then the door opened. 

Casey's heart did that little flip it always did when she saw her. Usually, it was calm, just a tiny rush of happiness. But now it was amplified. Nervous energy surged through her and her hands tightened on the steering wheel. 

Izzie looked tired as she slid into the passenger seat. 

"Hi," Izzie said nervously. 

"Hi." 

Casey didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to start this conversation. There was so much she wanted to know but the phrasing escaped her. Words left her mind. She didn't know if she wanted the answers. 

"Are you hungry?" she finally settled on. "Did you eat all day?" 

Izzie opened her mouth like she wanted to say no but then closed it. "Yes. And no." 

As Casey had expected. Izzie often forgot to eat and when she was sad, even less so. Casey often had to make her eat, talking about track and needing energy. Honestly, it was worrying. "McDonalds should open this late." 

The drive was made in silence, even though Casey caught Izzie peeking glances at her every so often. The glances were filled with longing yet she said nothing. Was she afraid to? Casey fixed her eyes back on the road, though her hairs raised whenever she looked at her. 

Casey ordered food for both of them, refusing point blank when Izzie offered to pay. Izzie let her. She knew Izzie wanted to protest more but it seemed she was unwilling to argue with her now. 

Casey sat on the hood of the car, eating her phone. The night wasn't cold but the warmth of greasy burgers filled her stomach. It did wonders to calm her nerves. 

This wasn't the first time they'd done something like this—where they'd sat beneath the stars and ate junk food together. She liked being with Izzie. Especially alone where no one was there to see them. And she could just relax and be with her without watchful eyes from strangers and family. 

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Casey finally turned to her. 

"Izzie…" 

"Casey, I'm so sorry!" Izzie blurted out, unable to contain herself. "I… made a mistake. I'm sorry. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you." 

"Why?" 

Casey needed to know why she'd done it. Of course, they'd never had the talk about dating or what they were but it was assumed. After the kiss, they were basically girlfriends. But Izzie wasn't fond of labels. So she left it at that. 

She didn't want to find out there was another reason she didn't take a label. 

"Why? I…" Izzie looked down. "We were dancing. And you got close. I-! It just…" she raised her head, shyly, "...I can't help myself when I'm with you." 

"I don't understand." 

"... what?" 

"Why? You don't mind being affectionate in private but in front of other people? It's like you don't remember me. Does what we have mean nothing? It feels like you don't want to be together." 

Izzie's eyes widened. "No. No, Casey, I do." 

But? 

Casey waited, not knowing what to say. 

Izzie took a deep breath. "I can't be like that in front of other people. Not yet. I just… reasons..." 

Casey's mind flashed back to the kitchen. _I know what homophobia is, Elsa._ This was a delicate subject. Once finding out about herself, Casey had been comfortable with the whole idea. But then again, Izzie might. 

"Why not? Are you scared?" 

Izzie bit her lip. "It's unfair to you. That I can't do this like you want to. I'm sorry." 

Casey slid across the car hood to slide an arm around her shoulders. Izzie, as if she was magnetic, cuddled close immediately. She'd a feeling Izzie had wanted to do that since they sat down. But had held herself back. 

"It's okay," Casey said gently. "I understand. We can… take it slow. Subtle." Subtle was never really her style but for Izzie, she could. 

"I don't deserve you." 

That wasn't true. Izzie was a wonderful person, even if she made mistakes. She was human. But Casey had known Izzie long enough to know her deep underlying self hatred spoke words of venom when she was most vulnerable. 

"Don't believe that," Casey murmured, pressing a kiss by her ear. "It isn't true." 

Izzie turned and buried her face in her shoulder. A few seconds and then "I… there's another thing…" Izzie murmured. 

"Hmm?" 

"My family…" 

The family that Casey had never met. There was every chance that they were homophobic. For all Elsa's faults, she hadn't batted an eyelid at her and Izzie together. She'd been annoying in a parent way but never disgusted or made her feel bad about it. She'd even teased her. Casey was luckier than she realised. 

"What about them?" 

"It isn't my mom—she would just make comments not never… anything big. My siblings are either too young or don't mind..." 

Casey felt there was a huge 'but' coming here. 

"It's my mom's boyfriend." 

Izzie's hands tightened on her and Casey held her back. Gentle touches down her arms, through her hair. Encouraging, letting her talk. Izzie needed this. 

"I don't know, he just… he-..." Izzie struggled for words. "He could kick me out-! It's just me, I could live. But my brothers and sisters! I can't leave them like that. I just-" she started to shake, "-I need to protect them." 

Casey's heart was breaking. 

Of course Izzie would put her family before herself. She couldn't risk it. 

"Hey, hey," Casey whispered, brushing the tears now trekking their way down her cheeks. "We're okay. You can cry. There's no one else around." Izzie looked so small like this, wrapped in her arms. Casey wanted to protect her from all this fear and pain. She deserved so much better. 

"But I can't force you to do this," Izzie sobbed. "Hide—just for me!" 

"Izzie…" Casey kissed her forehead. "I'd do anything for you." 

Izzie shook her head. 

"I'm not easy to be with." 

"I was never looking for easy." 

She was looking for her. Izzie. Her Izzie. 

"I understand now," Casey murmured, kissing her forehead. "I get it. We don't have to let everyone know, not ever if we need to. But I love you. And I still want to be with you." 

Fresh tears welled in Izzie's dark eyes. Her lip trembled. 

"Cry." 

And Izzie did. 

Sobbing in the night, pressing salty kisses to her lips, like she never wanted to be away from her. Their first fight. The first one always seemed hardest but now they were over this hill. More were sure to come but they'd get through it together. 

Something binged from her pocket. Momentarily detaching herself from Izzie, Casey checked her phone and as usual, it was Elsa. Woman never let her live. 

**actual demon 👿:** it's almost 2 casey 

**actual demon 👿:** where are u? 

Then a few seconds later, 

**actual demon 👿:** is izzie ok? 

"What is it?" Izzie's head rested on her chest, eyelids fluttering. 

"Elsa. Ugh, she told me to be home by two." Casey met her gaze, realising something. "Are your siblings at home?" 

Izzie shook her head. "They're at my grandma's." 

"Do you want to stay with me for tonight?" 

Red stained her cheeks but Izzie nodded. "I'd like that a lot." 

Casey kissed her again. 

After a few minutes, they did have to move. Elsa would proper freak and come after them if she wasn't back in time. Casey didn't want that at the moment. But when Izzie climbed into the car, she missed her warmth. 

**Casey:** omw home 

**Casey:** we're ok 

Almost immediately Elsa popped up typing. Typical. 

**actual demon 👿:** good. See u at home 

Casey put her phone away and glanced over at Izzie. 

If anyone saw them now and saw the red of Izzie's eyes, they might have thought they had a fight, that it ended badly. 

Izzie smiled at her, warm and filled with love. It hadn't ended badly—she was happier than she'd been all weekend. 

Casey drove home and she and Izzie went inside. Elsa was natural waiting for them. But thankfully, she didn't make a big deal out of anything, not commenting on Izzie's obvious crying. 

Casey pulled Izzie upstairs, saying goodnight to Sam and Doug. They had the sense not to comment either. And then they got ready for bed, Izzie talking clothes from her. 

Elsa had been eyeing them when they closed the door to the bedroom but wisely said nothing. That wasn't what was happening tonight. Maybe one day, when they were both ready for that but not yet. All she wanted to do was be with her. 

Casey curled up with Izzie, pressing her nose against the back of her neck and breathing her in. 

"Casey?" 

"Mmhmm?" 

"I love you too." 

Casey smiled, kissing the back of her neck. 

They had problems. They had issues. Other things still needed to be talk about. 

But that was work for another day. Tonight, it was just the two of them. Together. Lost in the dark and feeling of their arms closed around each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's it... I may do a continuation later but for now, I hoped you enjoy it! 💜💜

**Author's Note:**

> Hey did you enjoy it? Little angsty atm but hey! No pain no gain lol. Let me know what you guys thought~ 
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://the-demons-behind-your-smile.tumblr.com), I'd love to hear from you ^-^


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